“Lexicographer, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods. … “

“Litigation, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.”

“Monologue, n. The activity of a tongue that has no ears.”

“Mortality, n. The part of immortality that we know about.”

“Neighbor, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.”

[ A shout out to all the 1Ls enjoying nuisance and servitude cases in their Property Law classes ... ]

“Painting, n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.”

“Pitiful, adj. The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.”

“Plagiarize, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.”

“Positive, adj. Mistaken at the top of one’s voice.”

“Precedent, n. In Law, a previous decision, rule or practice which, in the absence of a definite statute, has whatever force and authority a Judge may choose to give it, thereby greatly simplifying his task of doing as he pleases. As there are precdents for everything, he has only to ignore those that make against his interest and accentuate those in the line of his desire. Invention of the precedent elevates the trial-at-law from the low estate of a fortuitous ordeal to the noble attitude of a dirigible arbitrament.”